


You know what they say about assuming

by basicallyiwriteshit



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Dogs, M/M, Modern AU, Not Canon Compliant, Other, TAZ Balance, The Adventure Zone: Balance, angus is blupjeans' kid, or should i say 1 (one) dog, taako is an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-10 01:24:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20519675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basicallyiwriteshit/pseuds/basicallyiwriteshit
Summary: "Taako looks up from his phone at the man again, and now he’s looking around the park, confused, and then he locks eyes with Taako and yeah it’s definitely Kravitz and he still doesn’t have a kid with him and--Okay, this is embarrassing."In which Taako thinks he's talking to a hot single dad but it turns out he's talking to a hot single dog owner. How he got them mixed up is beyond him.





	You know what they say about assuming

Taako is hanging out at Magnus’ stupid pet shop, waiting for closing time so he can get a ride to Davenport’s house for dinner, when he sees him. The most handsome man in the world. Taako isn’t ashamed when he checks him out – discretely, of course, behind sunglasses – and likes what he sees. He looks flustered, like he doesn’t know where he’s going, and so he hops up, shooing Julia away before she can help Hot Stranger. 

“Hey, there, welcome to Hammer and Tails. You look a little lost, handsome, mind if I help you out?” 

Handsome Stranger looks a bit startled, his eyes widening a moment, and Taako smirks as he begins to stutter. “I– I, uh– Yes, that would actually be– that would– that would be really nice– uh– th- that’s rather inappropriate of a store employee to say to a customer, don’t you think?” 

“Well lucky for me then, I’m not an employee, just a regular ole’ chum,” Taako hums. “So I can’t get fired for flirting. Now, what do you need?” 

“O- Okay..?” Handsome Stranger seems to get even more flustered a moment before he fixes his sleeves absently and that calms him down a bit. “I‘m just looking for some of that Beniful stuff, I think..? The vet recommended this stuff, to help with some digestive stuff…” 

“Yeah, sure, bud it’s pretty easy to find just follow me,” Taako makes sure to walk in front of Handsome Stranger just enough for him to see his ass in the jeans he’s wearing but not too far so he gets lost. They get to the dog food aisle soon enough, and that’s where Taako’s knowledge ends pretty quickly because he doesn’t know where Magnus stocks what food. Thankfully Handsome Stranger sees the food and goes to inspect it. Handsome Stranger thanks him and grabs a bag, bringing it to the front of the store and checking out quickly. 

“Thank you so much, come again!” Julia calls after Handsome Stranger, and he leaves. Taako sighs, leaning against the counter, and she laughs heartily. “Taako…” 

“Look, Jules,” Taako stands back up, trying to seem nonchalant even though he’d literally jumped at the chance to help the stranger. “Julia. Jules. If you say a word of this to anyone, even Maggie, I’ll kill you I swear to god.” 

Julia laughs brightly, tilting her hair to the side, and she nods slowly. “Yeah, yeah, of course. I’m honestly kinda surprised, though, Taako; you usually are a bit more…forward. You didn’t ask this guy on a date the second you could.” 

Taako rolls his eyes. “It’s not always dick jokes and shit, I’m not always horny– okay, I’m always horny, but not everyone else is– besides, he’s a total stranger! Like, _a really fuckin hot stranger_, but still a stranger.” 

“I could give you the name from his credit card info,” Julia doesn’t even look at Taako as she says that, smirk on her lips as she starts to lock up. Magnus’ voice booms through the now empty shop as he checks on the various animal enclosures. 

Taako makes the “I’m watching you” gesture, glaring at her, and hops up on the counter while he waits. 

“It’s not like I’m going to see him again, which is a damn shame, but really. This was just a nice little gift while I wait for my fucking _ride_.” He raises his voice a bit at the last part, hoping to make Magnus come up front a bit faster. 

“Whatever you say~” Julia sing-songs. There’s a few minutes of silence before she speaks up again. “It’s Kravitz.” 

Taako’s head lifts from looking at his phone. “Huh?” 

“His name. It’s Kravitz.” 

Taako groans, because of course now she’s invested in something that’s _never going to happen _with _someone he’s never going to see again. _

…Which is why, when he sees Hot Stran– _Kravitz_ again, he’s kind of surprised. He and Lup are dropping off a batch of homemade dog treats for the new puppies at Hammer and Tails when he sees an oddly familiar set of locks disappear down the dog food aisle. His cheeks immediately burn bright at the suggestive waggle of Magnus’ eyebrows – _of course Julia told him, the little_ – and he tries to subtly shake his head but by now the whole situation had caught Lup’s attention. 

“…Anyone wanna tell me why Ko is as red as my acrylics right now?” 

Magnus bursts out laughing at Lup’s casual question, bending over the counter and almost dropping the jar of _–carefully made, and will not be replaced if they’re broken, thank you very much– _dog treats he’d been given. Lup just stares, unamused, waiting for an answer. 

“Koko? Wanna get this one, or am I going to have to wait for this chucklefuck to stop laughing?” 

“Sorry Lup, so– sorry,” Magnus’ laugh is a little bit quieter now, and he straightens up a bit to put the jar of treats on a shelf. “That was a good one, caught me off guard. I was just teasing Taako about his crush on one of the customers in the store.” 

“Oh, why don’t we just say it louder so everyone can hear? Why don’t we just use the intercom to announce it to the whole store? Sounds great to me!” Taako says, trying to say enough things that Lup’s attention shifts to that and not–

“Oh, you have a crush little brother?” 

“I’m older, first of all.” 

“Irrelevant. Wrong, but irrelevant. Now, tell me about this little crush?” 

Taako groans. “It’s not a crush. Far from it! I helped him in the store when Magnus and Julia were busy–” Magnus coughs a cough that sounds suspiciously like “lies” and Taako glares at him. “–And while, yes, he’s rather handsome, I wouldn’t call it a crush. We barely talked enough for me to flirt, and he didn’t seem to like that much.” 

“Please, ,who couldn’t resist _our genetics_?” Lup scoffs, flipping her hair over her shoulder, and Magnus snickers. “Why don’t you go talk to him while he shops, hm? I actually need to borrow Maggie for a minute, talk about a present for Angus’ birthday.” 

“You’re finally getting him a puppy? _Yes_!” Magnus is already over the counter and dragging Lup to the back of the store where they keep the various pets before Taako can complain. He knows that Angus isn’t his kid, but he does have to live with the brat and if he has to also take care of that dog he’s definitely not having that and– 

“E- Excuse me..? Sorry to bother you, I need to– I need to check out…” 

Taako can recognize the voice without even turning around, having fantasized a bit about it in the two weeks it’s been since he last heard of it, but he turns around just to be polite anyway. He gives a confident smile, because he’s _not at all flustered_ at the reminder of the thoughts he’s had about this _stranger_. Not a bit. 

“Yeah, sorry stud, I’m still not a worker here. I’ll page one of the workers though, they won’t mind.” He says, strolling behind the counter and hitting the intercom button. Since there’s only one patron in the store that he can see, he’s a bit less professional than he could be as he speaks into the tiny microphone: “Hey, uh, Magnus, Julia, can one of you come up to the register please? Register.” 

Taako hangs up with a shudder, remembering his brief (horrific) stunt in retail before he’d started working at Angus’ school. 

Kravitz watches with amusement on his face as Taako leans against the counter, trying his best not to look too interested in him. 

“So, what’s your name? Never caught it last time I saw you.” 

Kravitz looks almost surprised that Taako remembers, but quickly shakes that look away to one of cool, collected. “I never threw it.” 

“Hm, stole that one from Heathers. Nice.” 

Kravitz plays with the hem of his shirt, embarrassed at being caught probably. Definitely that. “My name’s Kravitz. Nice to officially meet you, I suppose.” 

“Right, right,” Taako nods along, pretending he didn’t already know it. He points his thumbs at himself. “’Cha boy is usually called Taako.” 

“Alright…Taako…” Kravitz gives a shy smile, clearing his throat a bit. This is edging on awkward territory and Taako is almost tempted to page Magnus or Julia again when Magnus and Lup come to the front of the store. Lup has – thanfully – a small kitten in her arms, not a puppy, and Taako allows himself a small relieved sigh at that. Magnus kicks him out from behind the counter now that he’s returned and Taako obliges, instead sitting criss-cross on top of it. Kravitz has a confused look on his face as his eyes go between him and Lup, and he chuckles, mouthing the word “twins” to the other man. 

Magnus is quick to check Kravitz out before leading Lup back to the back, leaving them alone again. Taako, for what it matters, decides to follow Kravitz to the parking lot. 

“So you making this place homebase for the whole dog food thing, huh?” 

Kravitz seems surprised that Taako’s followed him, but recovers quickly as he nods. “Yeah. I’m-- Yeah. The food I have to buy is pretty expensive, but this place has it about two dollars cheaper than usual.” 

“Yeah, Mag doesn’t like to upcharge. He makes most of his money on puppy training classes, anyway,” Taako looks at his nails, watching the other in his peripherals. “But I suppose it’s fate, now that I’ve helped you out here twice.” 

Kravitz laughs. “I-- I suppose so? It sure does sound like lady fate wants us to meet.” 

“Right, right. So how about we talk about your absolute luck t have met me over coffee?” 

“What about your-- your sister? You two look a lot alike, it’s so crazy,” 

“Well, we did carpool here, but if she spends any longer in there I’m fine with disappearing for a minute.” He shrugs. “So?” 

Kravitz has a smile on his face as he nods slowly, but he looks down at his watch and cringes. “I would love to, Taako, but-- but-- I promised my baby girl I’d be home to take her to the park at five...” 

“Oh,” Taako nods slowly. So he’s a dad? That’s a bit unexpected, but not a deal breaker. He tries to be subtle when he checks out Kravitz’s left hand, smirking a bit when he doesn't see a ring. Hot, single divorcee? Oh he can work with this. “Your wife can’t do it?” He asks, just to make sure. 

“I am not married,” Kravitz says with a laugh, seemingly knowing what Taako was hinting at. He seems a bit flustered. “I really would like to get to know you, but I try to keep her schedule pretty regular. I’m away most of the day, and if she doesn’t get to play at the park she won’t sleep.” 

Taako nods, pretending like he doesn’t care even though he’s actually pretty damn disappointed. “Yeah, no problem bubula, Taako doesn’t mind. But hey, y’know, I’ve got one of those -- well, it’s my sister’s but I live there to watch it -- so maybe we can set up a playdate?” 

“That actually-- That sounds really nice, actually. Do you want to-- to, uh-- exchange numbers? So we can set that up?” 

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Taako smiles and pulls out his phone, and they quickly give each other their numbers with the promise to text later. Taako is remiss to admit that he’s actually really flustered by this interaction; he denies to the end of suns how, after saying goodbye to Kravitz, he ran into Hammer and Tails and squealed like a little kid (but Magnus and Lup saw; they pretend they didn’t, but they saw). 

So he has a potential date with a hot single dad. Alright, cool. 

He supposes there are _some_ perks to having a brat at home. Lup and Barry won’t mind if he takes the kid for a playdate, especially with how little Angus actually gets out. Besides, it’ll distract him long enough for Lup to come over to Magnus’ and grab _the damn cat they’re getting Angus for his birthday_ and come back without the “worlds greatest detective” or whatever noticing and getting suspicious. 

It isn’t until around eight o’clock after family dinner with everyone that he even remembers he gave Kravitz his number, despite how excited chill he was earlier in the afternoon. His phone buzzes while he plops onto the couch and he pulls it from his sweatpant pockets, already rolling his eyes at a meme one of the boner squad probably sent him, but his eyes immediately widen when he sees Kravitz’s name on the screen. 

Checking his hair even though it’s something Kravitz can’t actually see, he unlocks his phone and opens Kravitz’s message. 

**[8:27 PM] FROM: Kravitz ;)**  
Hey, Taako, it’s Kravitz. It totally occurred to me we never talked about a time or anything for our little playdate. Any preferences? I’m off during weekends if that helps. 

He waits just a couple of minutes, so he doesn’t seem too excited. 

**[8:30 PM] TO: Kravitz ;)**  
Nah, no preference, stud. Down for maybe Saturday afternoon? 

Maybe Krazitz does the same back to him, which is fucking stupid and lame, because it takes five whole agonizing minutes to reply. 

**[8:35 PM] FROM: Kravitz ;) **  
Sounds good! 1:30 good? There’s that dog park near Hammer and Tails that’s really nice. 

Taako finds it pretty weird that he wants their kids to meet at a _dog park _but hey he won’t judge. Maybe he’s bringing the dog too. Not the most fun for kids, but then again Taako doesn’t know much about kids anyway. 

**[8:35 PM] TO: Kravitz ;)**  
1:30 is perfect there’s no way I’m getting up before noon on my days off lmao

**[8:36 PM] FROM: Kravitz ;) **  
Lol. Sounds great. I forgot to ask what age your sisters’ is, but mine’s 6

**[8:37 PM] TO: Kravitz ;) **  
Aw shit really? He’s like 10 now I think, beats me

**[8:37 PM] TO: Kravitz ;) **  
It’s probably alright though he doesn’t even know how to play much anyway he can get a lesson from your kiddo

**[8:39 PM] FROM: Kravitz ;) **  
It’s good to socialize her anyway, doesn’t matter what age. 

They talk a bit more about nonsense (mostly Taako flirting) before Taako goes off to bed, grinning ear to ear. 

The day of the playdate comes much too fast, and Taako almost forgot to inform Lup and Barry of his plans. Which would have been bad. Put him out a kid, and then the whole playdate is ruined. He doesn’t know much about the brat Kravitz is bringing, only that she’s six and her name is Raven. He doesn’t know if he should pack anything -- a snack, a leash, some toys -- but Lup, bless Lup, already has a small backpack with a couple of Angus’ favorite books and some outdoor toys with the promise of these will be fine, they’ll just run around the park, don’t worry. So he takes Lup’s car and drives across town to the park they’d agreed on and waits. 

The park is empty save for one man and his dog, a pretty big Doberman that runs around the place with ease. Taako almost thinks it’s Kravitz, because he wears a similar hairstyle, but he shrugs it off because there’s no other kid at the park. So he sits and waits in the car, Angus already reading a book in the back seat. He waits about ten minutes before he thinks he’s been stood up, and he’s about to put the car back in drive when his phone buzzes. 

**[1:36 PM] FROM: Kravitz ;) **  
Hey I’m at the dog park where are you?” 

Huh. Taako looks around, and there’s still just that one man, looking impeccably dressed for just a stroll at the park. He frowns. 

**[1:37 PM] TO: Kravitz ;)**   
No, I’m at the park and you aren’t. There’s no one else here. 

Taako looks up from his phone at the man again, and now he’s looking around the park, confused, and then he locks eyes with Taako and yeah it’s_ definitely Kravitz_ and he _still doesn’t have a kid with him _and--

Okay, this is embarrassing. 

Taako would like to blame this on lack of communication, not how utterly stupid he was for thinking the guy at the _pet store_ buying_ pet food_ wasn’t talking about his _pet_. 

Kravitz walks over, smiling, and waves a bit. Taako slides out of the car, not even bothering to unlock the car since Angus is old enough to figure out how to do it himself, and gives a sheepish wave as the Doberman follows Kravitz over to the edge of the fence near the parking lot. 

“Hey, uh, so this is going to sound real stupid, but uh...” 

Angus hops out of the car, looking upset that he wasn’t let out of the car, and Kravitz looks at Angus. Then at Taako. Then at Raven _(the dog! Oh how stupid!)_. Then at Taako again. 

And he fucking _laughs_. 

It’s not a full-bodied, uncontrollable laughter, but a light, teasing chuckle that sends Taako’s entire heart out of his chest and his turns his cheeks ruby red. “Taako,” Karvitz lilts, and it’s almost too embarrassing, Taako almost just gets back in the car and drives off. “Taako, did you think-- Did you think we were-- oh, man, did you think we were having a playdate with _children_?” 

“...Maybe. But this is totally your fault.” Taako says. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Who calls their dogs their baby girl? Huh? That’s so fuckin’ weird, you can’t blame me for this one!” 

“I-- When you said ‘oh I have one of those’ I assumed you meant _dog_, seeing as that’s what_ I_ was talking about. I thought I made It very clear that we were talking about dogs.” 

“Nuh-uh, bubula, you never said the word dog _once_ while we were talking!” 

“We met at a_ pet shop,_ Taako.” Kravitz says, exhasperated, and this is all really just too funny. Angus is looking between them, confused, and clutching his book to his chest. 

“Taako? I thought I was going on a playdate,” He says, peeping into the conversation, and Taako groans. 

“Not now, Ango, I’m pretty busy trying not to _die_ from how _mortified_ I am right now,” He says, ever the dramatic. Angus just lets out a quiet _“o- okay?..”_ before heading over to a bench and sitting down. The Doberman happily follows and Kravitz tries to scold her but she hops up onto the bench and plops down right in Angus’ lap, but the kid doesn’t seem to mind. 

“So, uh--” 

“Please, let’s never mention this again.” Taako says miserably, head in his hands. “I’ll never live this one down if any of my asshole family hears about it.” 

Kravitz smiles. “I suppose I can do that. On one condition, though,” 

“Anything to never have to remember this ever again.” 

“I’d like a real date, if you wouldn’t mind. Maybe without the kid or the dog this time.” 

Taako’s head whips up so fast he almost gives himself whiplash. “Wh-- I-- Really?” 

“I would very much like it, uh...You really are someone I’d like to get to know better...” Kravitz looks embarrassed as he talks, his cheeks warm. Taako just looks at him, eyes full of amazement. 

“Y’know, after that little blunder I just had, I probably would refuse to even think about you again. But I’d actually kinda like that.” 

“Really? Great! I mean-- great that you want to go on another date. This one’s, uh-- I mean, we can make it a great date? We still have daylight to kill, and it looks like Raven and Angus get along pretty well...” 

Kravitz offers a hand, and Taako takes it, laughing. 

“You’re not very good with words, are you, Krav?” 

The afternoon isn’t too bad after that minor ssue is resolved, and Taako is pretty happy by the end of it. He takes Angus out for ice cream after to get him to keep quiet about the whole ‘doggy playdate’ thing, and that’s the end of that. Right? 

“Mom, dad! Taako took me on a playdate with a _dog_!" . 

“Angus you little traitor--!” 

“_You did what?!” _

“I’m gonna kill you, little man!” 

...He really should stop assuming things. 


End file.
